not really a question, but more like looking for advice. My marriage has turned into what i feel is emotional abuse. It only gets that way however, when i try communicating with my husband. he gets mad, kicks things, breaks things, in the last month he has hurled a spoon and a remote at my head. the guy never considers himself abusive. I consider him psychotic. I know it is over. we are in a place where there are no friends and family. no place to go away to when things get bad. he doesnt even remember getting kicking the christmas tree table and knocking it over. he acts like i am crazy when i told him he did. on one of his morning yelling at me before going to work sessions.I asked him to drop the kids off on the way to work the other day, screaming ensued with him. I have learned to remain quiet, which he says pisses him off more. I cant win. I know I am in an unhealthy relationship. my sister said i needed an advocate. a shelter, etc. I called a shelter. told them it was phase one no one has been hit , but with the way we are going we cant even talk to each other and the weekend was coming up and i was going to leave town and check into a hotel room with the kids to spend time away. they invited me to come visit them, for the day or for as long as i needed. i told my husband i needed to get away with the way we are going and he complains about the price of gas, motel room, said he would spend time away at his friends house. i cant even tell him i am going to visit a friend out of town, this shelter wouldnt cost anything. I am going to see an attorney monday, he dont know it. a 30 dollar consultation fee and work from there. if we stay in this house too long together, he has a lot to lose.."I" seem to make him more psychotic. says he is the way he is because of me. I dont think anyone has the power to turn somebody psychotic. It feels like a bumpy road ahead, but because i cant come up with a good enough lie. I might have to call the shelter today and tell them i wont be making it. maybe schedule a dr appointment later on in the week and go there to clear my head. at first, finding the numbers and stuff and making that call seemed to be the hardest part. I even told them I did not want to take up space for people who needed it more..i almost found my self saying "he is not that bad" anyone of you ever done anything like this then for lack of better words, lost the courage to get it done right then and there? I dont want bad things for him. I hope he seeks help. but i am going to find out monday if Ican go thru my legal proceedings from another state and get out of here.
Answer by Samantha
Good girl. Get the hell out of there!! They ALWAYS try to shift the blame to us baby, it's a common trait. E-mail me if you want more on the shelter thing. Good Luck to you!!
Answer by J A
Where are you, I know what your going through if you wish to chat email or talk let me know. Its all part of the circle of steps and don't listen to him but be on guard please. Are you in Canada?
Be so careful with who you talk with and the police are not always on our side be careful.
Answer by jaded
do you have parents, family, anyone? then, go there. i am so sorry.
run off your question and keep it for when he says you are the crazy one and you are the one who does these things, and write everything down that he does after this, too.
Answer by blues breaker
i applaud your courage to get out however, you're still making excuses.
no lies are necessary. when he leaves, get out! period. drive yourself to the shelter the minute you have a chance.
Answer by Emmie P
This is a very dangerous relationship. And yes, you are still making excuses. Classic situation of abuse.
You have minor children and therefore you are a first priority when it comes to a women's shelter. You MUST get out of that situation ASAP. Emotional abuse is just as bad as physical abuse.
You are not responsible for this guy's attitude and behavior - HE is. Get the help NOW and do exactly what the shelter people tell you to do. They know what they are doing. There are many resources for a mother in your situation, but you have to seek them out. They don't come to you. You will learn new skills so that you don't end up a victim, or repeating this experience.
Good Luck to you in your new life, and stay safe!
Answer by MoMoney
I have been to a women's shelter and basically you are on your own there to figure out your next move. They are too busy helping others and say so, talk to " the others and they will tell you they get the same response.." Basically the shelter is just that..it is "shelter " and gives you a breather from " your control freak husband." The rest of it is really up to you. Good Choices and Bad Choices for you and your children's future.
I feel sorry for you, I didn't have to worry about hauling kids..just me and that was hard enough ! " Good Luck & God Bless & Guide You."
Answer by Ms. Queen
21 now. I lived in a shelter when I was 18. We got in an argument at around 1 am one night ... by 10 am my 11 month old and I were out of there and waiting to be placed in a shelter. It was the most lonely and scary feeling. I got into the shelter and couldn't take it. How was I just in a home and now I'm being showed my sons new crib, being told rules, etc. I left that same day towards my moms house. Stayed there for about 2 weeks because I made my choices and I felt she didn't have to put me back in with my son for my choices. Left to another shelter....basically went through 3 more. And I was fortunate enough to find a very nice one in the end. But it's never a good feeling and left after 3 months. I was 18 years old with an 11 month old when I left. Imagine? I was so scared but you have to do what you have to do. My son spent his first birthday and his first steps happened while in a shelter. You know that parent pride/ ego some of us feel like my kid will never through this or he'll never need this if I can help it?! That pride got squashed when those very important events happened while at a shelter. Its a rollercoaster of emotions....you feel like because you're not a good parent/person your son is in a shlter. Now thank God I have my own place, go to school pt and work ft. I've accomplished many things I doubt id ever accomplish if I had stayed by his side and never had left. I hope you do what you think is best. Its hard.....life is hard. Do what's best for the kids! Blessings.
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Orignal From: women who have been to shelters, please answer?
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