I have been married for 30 odd years now
My wife has always liked a drink (can't enjoy yourself unless you have a few drinks)
I can take it or leave it, but do enjoy a pint or a short
I have a cupboard of spirits and a case of beer
For the past 15 years, she has resorted to drinking in secret (hiding the vodka in various places) I have told her she can dink, but it must be downstairs, not in the bedroom, or other places, but she still drinks in secret, and denies she has been drinking
Sometimes I come home and find her wobbling around and I can smell the vodka on her, but say nothing to avoid the rows (and listening to her lies)
She went to the AA and they said she wasn't an alcoholic as she wasn't dependent on drink, she only went the once, anyway
I keep finding bottles in cupboards, drawers and the boot of her car, but she denies they are hers ( its only her and myself at home )
The kids don't come over any more, we don't have visitors any more (they say they don't feel comfortable or feel they are intruding)
The kids tried stopping her from drinking by restricting her seeing the g/kids, if she wanted to see them, she had to drive there, (haven't seen em in a year now)
Most of the rows have been about her being drunk and denying it, when she is sober, there's no problemn
Do I have grounds for a divorce on unreasonable behavior ?
How much will this cost me ? (in the UK)
What claims does she have on my savings, pension, ? (she has her own savings, bank account, pension, credit cards, debit cards)
I pay all the regular bills, gas, electric, council tax, phone bill, satalite TV
The house is in joint names, so I assume this will be spilt 50/50, same as all the household stuff (furniture, and stuff)
I'm just sick of the lies and the drinking in secret, (if she wants to drink, do it in the open)
I dont know why she drinks, I dont think her job is stressful,(BAA security) I know she misses the g/children, but not enough to stop drinking
She never drinks enough so she can't work or drive in the mornings (I think)
Any advice appreciated, especially a solicitor for advice
fainstl
The last time I had a drink in a pub was on the 11 December, I had a bottle of wine with Christmas dinner, the spirits are in a cupboard, open to everyone, she doesnt touch them, its just vodka she drinks
I wouldnt think I'm a social drinker, I don't go anywhere to drink,
I have a case of beer from last Christmas,(unopened)
I have bottles of spirits given to me, all unopened
I had a christmas drink on the 11 December, 1 pint, then went home, I wouldnt say that is a social drinker
nope, no infidelity, I'm not intrested in anyone else, I dont think shhe is,
I just get depressed we dont have anyone come round any more, we got a nice house (I cant say I blame people though)
I'm not too worried about the g/kids, they got good parents, who will bring em up right
If she denies she is an alkie, what do I do trhen?
When I confront her wih the bottles, she denies they are her's, even when they are found in her bag, wardrobe, car,
Answer by Amanda
Your wife is an alcoholic, and needs to seek treatment immediately. If she refuses, perhaps it's time for a separation. You need to make her realize the drinking isn't something that you will tolerate.
Answer by Grouch
She's an alcohie, dude , one small step above a druggie and THAT's only because alcohol is legal.
Answer by fainstl
With the amount of booze you keep in the home, you're an enabler.
And since you drink as well, it's almost like the kettle calling the pot black.
If you want to help her, then I would suggest that you both stop drinking and be each other's champion.
Yes, it does sound like she's an alcoholic if she's hiding her drinking and her bottles.
Plus if she doesn't see the bottles herself, she's living in a world of denial.
Maybe if you were to find the bottles, put them out on the dining room table and tell her that you're concerned, maybe she'll check herself into rehab.
Or you could always take her to a medical examiner's office and let her look at a corpse of an alcoholic and see the amount of damage it can do to all your major organs.
After a while, the alcohol will thin out the blood to the point where she can bleed to death from every orifice, including eyes, and from under her fingernails and toenails.
Answer by ♥L_A_E
I would first be very direct with her and say that you know that she is an alcoholic and that the drinking has to stop or you will be out the door.Also, if you really want to help her, you should stop drinking socially as well. If she begins to argue about the point of being an alcoholic ect. I would tell her that you are past debating that, she is an alcoholic. Only she can help herself. If she is unwilling I would speak to a lawyer and move away from that miserable situation. The lawyer can better assist you on what you wife and you will get in the divorce.
Answer by sharon s
Yes. She's an alcoholic and in need of help too. Speak to a divorce attorney he/she would advise you on the necessary step to take. I don't know what AA she went to, but they were wrong. Sure sign- she drinks in secret, and she drinks everyday. There are functional drunks out here and no one knows who they are until they kills someone. Good Luck
Answer by frogfriz
Yeah she is an alcoholic
Answer by ladyren
You can divorce someone for any reason you wish... it is called "Irreconcilable differences"
Most states have what is called 'no fault' divorce. You don't even need at attorney. OR:
You use what is called a "mediating attorney" -- agree how you wish the assets split, on the divorce papers that you can find either on line, or in any office supply place, or your county superior court house. If you use a mediating attorney, the more familiar you are in how they are filled out, the less it will cost. But if you get one and she does too, at $ 450/hr, you both will be broke. (ever know a poor attorney? Me neither.)
From your posting, she appears an alcoholic. You, hon, have to decide if you wish to continue to live with her or if you are better off by yourself........rather your choice.
Alcoholics never stop drinking unless there is a huge change in their life.... loss of a marriage, a job, something really traumatic. You stay, she keeps her job, she will continue to be a drunk.
Answer by Ana Banana
Actually I think you both need help. Drinking in public doesn't make it acceptable. Whether she hides or not, it's still a problem. You know she has a problem, with do you continue stocking your cupboards? Maybe both of you should go to treatment together. I suggest trying to help her before you think of divorce. Go to counseling and treatment and think about it after you have both received help. Ultimately, it's your decision, if you want out, you have a good reason to leave.
Answer by Yoda's Duck
(I'm going on the assumption that there aren't other issues in your marriage- infidelity, etc. that she can use against you.)
You may feel that it's a waste of perfectly good booze, but dump it all down the drain- empty the cabinet of spirits, and get rid of the beer. Don't give her excuses.. "You have your spirits cabinet, I can have my vodka."
So AA says she's not alcoholic. Bollocks. She drinks regularly, relies on it for a "good time", and it's interfering with her marriage and other personal relationships.
I recommend talking to an attorney/solicitor about separation.
Then confront your wife.... if possible, when she's sober. Tell her that you love her, want the two of you to be happy, but you will no longer tolerate her deceit. "I don't mind that you drink- just be honest with me about it, please. I deserve that much." Focus on the lies, sneaking around, etc, rather than the drinking, as that seems to be the thing that bothers you most.
There is another possibility- Is she depressed? Often, people suffering from clinical depression try to drown it in drink. When she's sober, ask her about it, see if she's open to some kind of therapy. This may be a more compassionate approach than simply cutting her off/separation. Besides, if she truly is suffering from clinical depression, separation simply cuts her off from the most potent support she has- you.
Answer by Henry Zapbeav
You both need help, and yes it is going to cost you, you have been married so long. Its easy to point a finger at the other alcoholic, but deny it yourself as one. If she has been drinking this long, odds don't look to good she will stop.
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