Letters to the Editor - A Forum for Father's
"Debtors Prison is Alive…in America"
My sympathy goes out to the mother who has been apparently separated from her children and, due to unemployment caused by incarceration, unable to pay legal fees. Concern for the children should be enough to draw sympathy from the courts but, as I've come to realize firsthand, an institution can be dispassionate in such matters – even under the title of justice and such notions as "innocent until proven guilty"…
Specifically regarding the comments of Wallace: "There's no such thing as debtor's prison", my letter is to inform the readership that there is…in America, prison for those who cannot or have not paid child support. Before you jump to conclusions, read on…
Non-custodial parents – mostly men – are subjected to debtor's prison because they have not or will not pay child support…and are in arrears. Publicly portrayed as "Deadbeat Dads", most of these men have endured some level of loss through the bias and policy of divorce courts: most men entering a courtroom (for divorce) are the defendants and, historically, will be reduced to a non-custodial (if children are involved, of course); debtor's prison puts them in a Catch-22 where employment is interrupted by incarceration and so on.
The tragedy of losing your right to be parent can be crushing – as men are parents too. Your rights are lost – not because of any risk to your children – but because of the bias and policy of the courts that regulates your visitation and strips any authority in your children's lives. It is a tragedy of which I am personally aware…as is my children. Consider that suicide among men is at least seven times greater in post-divorce…
No-fault divorce has been the impetus for the surge of the divorce rate in America and, while divorce rates are down (most recently applied to economic conditions), the marriage rate is also in decline. Some say that marriage is a dying institution; others say that divorce is by far the most significant threat to marriage as an institution. I believe both to be true.
Speaking of institutions, our courts systems are fundamentally responsible (for this surge…). Besides No-fault divorce, Child Support enforcement is another federally subsidized system that imputes the non-custodial – stripped of their right to be a parent – to financial obligations that are often untenable for reasons beyond their control.
The bias and policy of the so-called system of justice has perpetuated divorce (and the demise of the family) through unfair scales and a blindfold lifted for the desires of the one over the needs of the many. To end a marriage for convenience is hardly cause for the costs born by the children; yet, No-fault divorce carries the day…with Child Support waiting in the wings as a profit center for the state. One institution is destroying the other institution and the backbone of a free Democracy…
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Regarding article on April 25th, "Fatherless boys need role models to teach them how to be men" by Carol Hagan, Jacksonville, AL
"The Cry of the Fatherless…and the Fathers"
Thank-you Carol for the submitted article on April 25th. I agree wholeheartedly that boys need male role models – and that the absence of men in families is correlated to delinquency and a whole host of other problems of our boys…and children.
I have been a father, a step-father, a Big Brother, and a scout leader; yet, in each and all of these circumstances, remain deeply interested in the woes of the fatherless. Recent reads by David Popenoe (Life without Father) and David Blankenhorn (Fatherless America) have been both enlightening and disheartening in terms of the magnitude and severity of this social crisis.
What I can make of the crisis is that there is more at cause than the willful abandonment or denial of fathers; but as well, a prevailing stigma and treatment of fatherhood.
David Popenoe describes it in this way:
The end result of many cultural, social, and economic trends…is a society surprisingly unsupportive of fatherhood. Indeed, if one were specifically to design a culture and a social system for the express purpose of undercutting fatherhood and men's contribution to the family life, our current society would be close to what would result.
Similarly, David Blankenhorn indicates:
Men, in general, and fathers in particular, are increasingly viewed as superfluous to family life: either expendable or as part of the problem. Masculinity itself…is typically treated with suspicion and even hostility in our cultural discourse.
I include these observations only to bring to light that the fatherless have suffered in part because of the devaluing of fatherhood. Whether through the media, the courts or culture, the erosion of the father has lead the way for the dilution of the family – and the child suffer all the more.
Believe it our not, there are fathers out-there that want to be parents to their children; but have been reduced to something much less because of mal-treatment and discrimination by the courts; and there are men who want to offer leadership and role modeling to children – but are scared to death of some ill-conceived allegation or pretense that is certain imprisonment and perpetual profile.
Fatherhood is a vital part of the conventional family, and men are needed as role models to boys (and girls); and our society is sadly missing them both….Perhaps it's time to add a line to the Pete Seeger song: "Where have all the fathers gone…"
Perhaps it's time to add a line to the Pete Seeger song: "Where have all the fathers gone…"
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"Unanimous Underwriting of Families Ties"
Much thanks to the House for voting unanimously to support grandparents' rights to be a "stabilizing force" to their grandchildren; perhaps the Senate has (or will) share an equal degree of fervor in supporting the families of our state—to include those damaged by divorce.
I must believe that grandparents are deeply grateful for this piece of legislation, the "Paw Paw bill"—in mitigating the many negative consequences of marital dissolution. I know of grandparents (and extended family) that have had to accept the unfortunate and unjustified loss of such relationships by association to the non-custodial family.
In the classic case study, Judith Wallerstein describes the possible circumstances for children (Second Chances: Men, Women and Children a Decade after Divorce):
Children feel intense loneliness. It amazes me how little support they get at this time, even from grandparents. Divorce is an acute, painful, long-remembered experience that children must often negotiate with the sense that they are alone in the world (p.13)
In The Custody Revolution, Robert Warshak describes the once-extended family: "Grandparents are the forgotten victims of modern divorces." (p.24)
Thanks again for giving support to children, grandmas and grandpas.
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"Who's at Fault for Marriage Rights?"
In her editorial, nothing is mentioned of the growing devaluing of marriage in general. In this once-sacred sacrament of our society, who's at fault? Specifically, why is marriage a civil institution when tradition and history show it a religious one?
Is it more than money – a form of taxation…?
Since the 1970's (the introduction of No-fault divorce), marriage has been devaluing: a covenant – or even a contract – has given way to a relationship of convenience. Everyday, spouses and parents are dragged into court for divorce against their will or desire. No-fault has devalued marriage to the degree that such radical deviations as described in the source article can be considered – even adopted – into an institution that has served free society well through the ages…steeped in religion.
What of the children – emotionally or paternally destitute by divorce? The system that created No-fault lays claim to work in their best interest against the statistics of post-divorce problems that are overwhelmingly higher than in conventional families. If the system is working is their best interest, why are the children being adversely affected by the results?
The civil institution does not respect marriage, family, or religious sacraments.
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"Thanks for Program"
I am thankful for the program to help dads be "better fathers".
The treatment of imprisoning debtors is a Catch-22 because being in jail disables any opportunity to support one's children and, consequently, establishes a cycle for which no solution exists.
Some may not understand the genesis of a national child enforcement model; but in short, the model was derived by an attorney, Bob Williams, who has made millions through this business venture. States that deploy this model obtain federal funds on child support collections; thus, child support orders become part of state revenues in some proportion to that ordered and collected as taxes.
If a dad is disparaged as a parent yet is imputed with taxes, he experiences taxation without representation. He may earnestly want to support his own children—not as merely a debtor or paycheck, but as a dad or parent. If dismembered from his children through an unwanted and unjustified divorce, he is naturally damaged—disowned from his offspring by the law and courts simply because of gender.
Any attending parent would struggle with the painful condition of losing children through such methods, and any ardent citizen would struggle with taxation without representation.
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Regarding Leonard Pitts' column, "Rand Paul…"
I think the article—or blast about "a blast…"—proves the point of why generalizations and institutions err. Do all "social conservatives", from the past to the present, hold to racial prejudice? Was Rand really talking about racism…?
Rand's beliefs hold to limited government (although "tiny" might be good). I think he holds to the beliefs that individual responsibility (over institutional imposition) rendered freedom. (In keeping with the Constitutional clause that all are created equal…).
The problem comes when an institution imposes such "equality" only to invariably create more inequality; and while reparations are worthy, the end result can never be sufficient for all who suffered—as justice can never be…when due process is the exception rather than the rule.
Where common ground can be found is the simple truth that institutions cannot save us from the past or the present; therefore, each individual must be responsible to choose on the basis of something more than arbitrary law.
"Freedom is not a gift received from the State or leader, but a possession to be won every day by the effort of each and the union of all." - Albert Camus
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"Time for new…Corrections in Alabama", Sue Bell Cobb,
With limited knowledge on the overcrowded penal system (state and national), I am glad the problem is being made more public (last week, the Jefferson county jail and, this week, the state's system). The trends that have lead our nation to the highest incarceration rate in the world (per capita and in total population) should be concerning to everyone.
As a naïve question, should "the obvious need of change" include reform of the law? Consider plea bargaining used in over 90% of criminal cases; where the defendant is not innocent until proven guilty (beyond a reasonable doubt), but is arguably guilty as charged.
In the plea bargain is the paradox of the prison system: some of the systems' players win, or reduce costs, and some lose; specifically, the courts and council win by limiting the cost for conviction while the prison system loses with overcrowding and insufficient budgets. Justice or due process is of little consideration.
As much overcrowding has been attributed to the war on drugs, the similarity to actual wars is striking: the ever growing costs with the false sense of security, the stakeholders that win and the servants that lose, and the injustices that never end.
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H. Kirk Rainer is an engineer with over twenty years of experience primarily in aerospace and defense.
While he been able to continue his profession (in some degree), H. Kirk Rainer has also been embroiled in the never ending consequences of no-fault divorce and parental alienation— the details of which are reflected in his books, Websites (alwaysfather.com, hkirkrainer.org), and other developments. Support organizations include: American Coalition for Fathers and Children (acfc.org); Alabama Family Rights Association (alfra.org); Protect Fathers' Right (protectfathersrights.org); National Father Initiative (fatherhood.org); Institute for American Values (AmericanValues.org); and the Florida International University (FIU), "The State of Fatherhood" research.
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