me and my ex split 4 yrs ago and ever since its been a nightmare! hes taken my son out 2 meet up with women and has put me through hell. at this moment in time he has not seen my son for 13 weeks but a few weeks ago my son was playing outside and he came in the street and took him without me knowing, i phoned the police and they went around to his house said he was fine so they wouldn't take him from there. before this he has spoken to my son on the phone and told him that he wants me dead( my son is 6) hes always making comments about me and my son is in the middle of all this, my ex has started a relationship with a woman who claims to be a police woman. my ex has rang me saying that he can get my son taken off me and as she has a job with the police she can "use" her job to get what he wants, I'm a single mum and i work to provide for me and my son its not great money but its a job. he says also that i work in a dead end job and i cant support him at all. at the time he made me feel so guilty i let my son go with his father and his girlfriend as i thought i was the right thing to do, but then my son came home and told me that they said to him if your mum don't want you, you can live with us! I'm at my wits end with this all so ive contacted my solicitor and stopped him seeing our son, my ex has also stopped money for my son the past 2 months. My son has also started back at school and on the second day back he got sent home ill, ive noticed hes being sick also the past few days not a bug just sick, when i took my son back to school he got to the school gates and started saying i feel sick, i cant breath, he refused to go into school, i asked him whats wrong and he said please let me come home with you, with all thats happened i broke down, i brought my son back home and hes fine! i just dont no what to do anymore, i feel ive let him down for the little life hes had, i feel such guilt for him and wonder if he needs help, PLEASE if any1 can suggest anything id be so greatfull
my son has started kicking and hitting me all the time....and he does ask to see him dad? whats the best thing i can do for him??
Answer by Kat T
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. It must be very difficult for you. You should try getting a restraining order from your ex. Contact a lawyer. They can give you the best legal advice for your situation.
You also need to sit down with your son and just tell him how you feel and really help him understand what's exactly going on. At his age, it's hard to understand sometimes what's going on. He must be very confused. Just tell him that everything is going to be alright. Just tell him how you feel.
I really hope things work out for you and your son. Best wishes!! x
Answer by Jessimistic
I think you want the best for your son. But I do not think you are supplying it. Yes, your ex is a complete ass. However, you need to rely on the court system and trust that if you are a good mother, this will be recognized. Your son should not be aware of any of the confrontation between the 2 of you. He should want to see his dad, and should be able to....
Unless you are an unfit mother, which per your description it seems you are not, then there is no way they will give full custody to his dad. Perhaps joint, but it seems that the ex will have to prove he is a fit father given his record. And who knows, maybe he is actually trying to grow up and be that....in any case, child support will be auto-deducted, and if he doesnt pay at that point, there is no way he will get any custody at all, simply visitation.
Your inability to deal with your ex (although I know it sounds bad between the 2 of you) is hurting your child. Stop it. Set up family counsesling, and go with your child. Good luck.
Answer by Michelle D
Poor little guy. I have gone thru a similar situation with my divorce. I have 3 children. I'll try to break this down.
First of all, your ex sounds a lot like mine. Making threatening comments to your child. For the most part, that is all that is - threats. It's just terrible that he is doing that to your child to. His threats & the comments by the girlfriend are reprehensible. I suspect your son's anger & acting out is a symptom of this. He naturally wants to love & trust his father, but dad's actions confuse and anger him. I know your budget is strained, but perhaps your son could talk to a counselor. His school may have one, or you may be able to find one that would work with you on a sliding scale.
Back to your ex's threats of taking your son away. I really do think it's just that - threats. If he really wanted to take the boy away, he would have already tried. He clearly still has feelings for you - mostly anger at this point - and is just trying to get to you. Unfortunately, he is using your son & has total disregard for what he is doing to the boy. Start keeping a log or journal of his threats and allegations - if he does ever try to go to court - you will have proof that he has engaged in activity that has clearly been harmful to your son.
As for not paying suppport, I'm not sure where you are located, but here, child support and visitation are two completely separate issues. Whether or not a non-custodial parent sees the child does not diminish the fact that the child still has daily needs. You should talk to your solicitor about having his wages garnished.
Please, keep your head up. It sounds like you are a wonderful and caring mother to your son. In light of the fact his father is clearly a DB, your son is lucky to have a parent that loves you as much as you do. Good luck.
Ps - I have learned this - Never say anything negative about his father to your son. It just confuses him further because again - this is his father. When my ex does one of his boneheaded moves, I just explain to my kids that Daddy made another poor choice because he is angry and did not express it very well. You can encourage your son to express his anger about the situation by drawing a picture, or as he gets older, writing about it - this has really helped my kids.
Answer by Maud L nick-name,Eugenie
i read your miserable and sad letter,i have pain in my heart ,for you and that poor little boy of yours,life is not meant to be cruel and unhappy.
i am sorry to say ,that your husband is poisoning the mind of your little boy,at the age of 6 ,his mind is in turmoil,tell your husband to stop tormenting the mind of that little boy,it is too bad ,your son goes and visit such a father,a good father fills the mind of his son with beautiful things ,be very patient with your son,love him,at a tender age ,he is going through hell,encourage him to go to school.
do you believe in god,pray and ask god for his help,pay no attention to your ex and his girlfriend,they want to destroy you and your little boy,they are trying to turn your son against you.
do not answer them,give god all your problems,he is a loving god,
if you allow him,he will take care of you,and your little boy,you say your son asks to see his dad,let him go,tell your ex to stop tormenting him,telling him all kinds of garbage about his mom,a 6 year old boy does not have to go through all that hell.
stay in peace,all the best,god bless you and your son.
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