Hi all!
I'm writing about a situation my boyfriend Tony is/ was in with his ex, and need some advice!
I'll brief you on the history so bare with me. 6 years ago he had a little boy with his ex girlf, they had known each other only 3 months so it was a slight 'surprise' should we say. They got a house together but they broke up after 2 years (4 years ago). She got engaged to another bloke within weeks and is still with him now. Tony stayed living in the house with her to look after his son, take him to school, feed him etc. (She was hooked on canabis and didnt really care for him properly). I met Tony over a year ago and he had just moved out. He didnt tell his ex about me for 4 months as he was worried she'd stop him from seeing his son, in this time he had no problems seeing him. After a few months I got fed up feeling like 'the other woman' to his ex, so he told her about me. She went completely mental! Begged for him back and told him she still loved him after all those years. He said no. Since then she has made it sooo difficult for him to see his son, she text him atleast 40 times a day abusive messages (Sounds maddness but its true), none of which he replied to (I would of if it was my ex, but Tonys very 'relaxed' about things). I dont think she actually loves him (she would have said at some point in the 4 years they had broken up) its more like 'I dont want you but I dont want anyone else to have you' kind of thing.
Just to explain what shes like a bit- her parents unfortunately died when she was young, she has lots of problems and alot of hatred. The only friends she has are her ex's and shes very controlling of them still. She gets sacked from every job within weeks and isnt working at the mo, she blames everything on everyone but herself. She still smokes alot of weed which I dont think helps her. She thinks everyone owes her something. She hates me (although knows nothing about me nor spoke to me before), slates me all of the time. She makes their son call Tony and tell him he doesnt love him and he doesnt want him to be his daddy anymore (hes only 5, you can hear her telling him what to say, its sick). Because Tony isnt running round buying her what she wants whenever she demands anymore shes digging her heels in and trying to hurt him where she knows she can, their son!
To give an example of the reasoning were against, Tony & I had booked a weeks holiday away in Suffolk unknown to his ex, he had managed to arrange a day with his son on Wednesday, so we planned to go away for 2 days, drive a 3 hour journey back so he could see him for a few hours as planned and then return to the last 3 days of our holiday and she would never had known. She found out (from Tonys mum) we were going on holiday, he then recieved a text saying "cause you never took me away on holiday u get get stuffed you aint seeing ***** on wednesday".
Say no more!
So now, 9 months on and she has been hell, hes only seen his son once a month, if that, and thats after weeks of begging her and paying her lots of money whenever she demanded it. Now he hasnt seen him for 3 months! He completely loves that child to bits, and just wants to be able to see him a few times a week, and for me to meet him atlast, but she cant see past her anger and bitterness to think whats best for her son and that he'd be missing his dad. Weve tried to send reasoning emails to look at things from her sons point of view but nothing works. Tony went to a solicitor 6 months back to take her to court for visitation rights. He texts her once a week in the meantime to ask to see him/ speak to him and he just gets abuse back.
I know everyone says theres two sides to every story, but Tony had such little confidence when I met him. Ive heard them both on the phone and he turns into 'yes marm'. Shes a complete bully and has used him for his money since day 1. He met her with £22k savings in the bank and now she signed him up to much dept hes having to go bankrupt.
Meantime of the court she has said via the solicitor that the only way he can see his child is through supervised visits, like alcoholics have to!! Again, another way to piss him off and stop me from meeting their son. He really wants to see him but is worried this may affect him worse than not seeing him. His son will have so many questions why Tony has to be supervised and unfortunately his mum would be the one answering them! Luckily hes kept all of the mental text messages from her so has back up to respond to her bollox.
So I guess im looking for some advice on this one, how long does it usually take for these things to go to court? Would it affect his visitation rights if he declines the supervised visits (for the boys sake)? Hes going for 2 week nights for 2 hours and every other weekend, Its likely she'll say he cant have him at weekend as she goes away often at weekends (which is rubbish), would they just go with what she says or tell her the child needs to be available to go
Answer by Dyot
Most of this is better answered by the solicitor in question. But:
"Would it affect his visitation rights if he declines the supervised visits (for the boys sake)?"
Unlikely, but he should not do that. He should take every opportunity to see his son, no matter how lousy the circumstances; frequent visits with Dad are what's in his son's best interests, not (unfortunately) ideal visits with Dad.
"Hes going for 2 week nights for 2 hours and every other weekend"
Why not joint custody?
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Orignal From: Seperated parents - Child contact?
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